Rambling out of Hibernation - Keeping it Real

Just me.  Just what I feel.  Just putting it out there and knowing it will set me free - as the truth always will.  I feel like I am finally coming out of my winter cave.  I began this blog in January 2012 and had stopped blogging by February 2012 because the response had not been that great.  Of the two responses I received, one was encouraging while the other gave me guidelines on how to blog.

I then began Facebook gaming.  Boy, was that a day taker.  Sure, I would get tidbits of housework done here and there, but it was "in between" my gaming.  I felt useless and guilty, but I told myself that it was okay to sit at the computer and achieve getting to the next level because I needed the down time.  It was bringing me down alright. 

It didn't get really bad until the end of February when my neighbor lost her husband and the father of her children - I ran deeper into hibernation.  I was running on autopilot.  The pain I was experiencing behind his death was almost unbearable.  I was consumed with a sadness that I couldn't express to anyone, so I burrowed deeper into my cave.

I would see my neighbor pushing through her day and wonder, "How is she doing that?"  I knew that she had to be hurting one hundred times worse than I was, but there she was - out taking care of business, taking care of her children, cleaning the yard, etc.  All I wanted to do was wake up and just sit with her and hold her.  Yet, there she was living - - - living with an incredible support system.

It was during that time that I realized I didn't have the kind of friendship I so desperately needed and desired.  I couldn't think of anyone to call and talk to about how I felt because everyone I knew was going through some sort of major ordeal.  I needed a friend who would for once just listen to me about what "I" was feeling or experiencing and then just hang out with that person.  I craved the friendship of godly women who were not too spiritual to bust a rib laughing.  I desired a friend who would mentor me and be an example to me.

So many times, I reached out to people to see how they were doing and the conversation never turned to me or my children (aside from the obligatory, "How are the kids?")  Before I could really answer, the conversation had turned back to her.

I am not bitter.  I am just being openly honest so I can shed these winter clothing...before the real winter sets in.  I don't want to be covered up under layers of movement-restricting emotions and thoughts while I'm inside a closed up house. 

Do you now see why I chose the title, 'Rambling out of Hibernation - Keeping it Real'? 

Some may read this and think, "What does this blog have to do with embracing your storms?  How is this encouraging?"  My answer would be, "It has EVERYTHING to do with it."  By writing this, I am allowing myself to be rid of the dark clouds I have been under for the past few months.  This way, I can get on to writing better things.  It is encouraing to ME.  As the songwriter penned, "Sometimes you've got to encourage yourself."